


When Erin Killed Albert

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Thicker than Water [27]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 08:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2421722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She owed Penelope.  If that meant serving soup and cleaning up a little puke, there were worse ways to pay her back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Erin Killed Albert

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in the **Thicker than Water** universe, where most members of the BAU are kids and teens. It was written for the alphabet meme and [](http://took-skye.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://took-skye.livejournal.com/)**took_skye** ’s prompt of **E is for eggshells**.

“Hey baby, I thought…what are you doing?”

Dave came into the condo and looked at Erin. She had a dozen eggs on the counter in the kitchen and three bowls of water. There was also a pack of multi-colored Sharpies beside one of the bowls. He’d seen plenty of strange things, he had been in the FBI for over two decades, but this was one of the strangest.

“Erin…what's going on?”

“I killed Albert Eggstein. It was an accident, David, but I killed him. And now I have to make it up to Penelope.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about. Where’s Penelope?”

He gave her a kiss as he leaned against the counter. Dave was taking the afternoon off, devoting his time to his new wife. This had been in the works for a week or so. And now it looked as if she was knee deep in something else altogether. He might want to sit down for this.

“Well she wasn’t feeling well, she vomited at school. They called me and I went to pick her up. When I threw her backpack into the back seat of the car, I killed Albert. It was an accident. Between the tummy ache and the crying over her egg, I'm sure the child hasn’t gotten any rest. I'm trying to make it up to her. I mean, look at this,” Erin swept her hand over the kitchen counter. “I'm trying.”

“I'm sure you are, baby.” Dave put his hands on Erin’s shoulders to calm her down. She sounded as if she was one step from losing it altogether. He still had no idea what was going on but he didn’t want to press. When Erin was working on a project it was hard to get through to her anyway. “Where’s Penelope?”

“She's upstairs in our bed. I gave her toast, tea, soup, and a bucket. I hope she's fallen asleep by now…I left the cartoon channel on to keep her company. I need to get this done.”

“OK, you work on this and I’ll go and check on her.”

Erin nodded, watching him walk away. She called his name and Dave turned around.

“This was supposed to be our special afternoon.” she said.

“Aw baby,” he came over and caressed her face. “I know.”

“Is this what happens when you have children? You don’t get any time to yourself anymore?”

“You know that’s not true.” Dave kissed her nose. “There are going to be plenty of afternoons, evenings, mornings, and weekends for us to be together. You’re stuck with me forever, remember? You made a promise.” he held up her hand. “I bought you a ring.”

“It’s the most beautiful ring in the world.” Erin replied.

“That’s because it’s for the most beautiful girl.” Dave hugged her and felt Erin exhale. She was pushing herself too hard and he still had no idea why. But he would get to the bottom of it. “I'm gonna check on Penelope, baby, I’ll be right back.”

Erin nodded, going back to her work. She didn’t want her water to get cold and ruin everything.

Dave went up the stairs and down the hall to the master bedroom. Penelope was in the bed he shared with Erin. She looked dwarfed propped against a mound of pillows with a food tray in front of her. Sleeping, her body was leaning to the side, almost off the bed. She wore one of Dave’s tee shirts and there was a little dried vomit on the front. The poor kid; she wasn’t having the best day.

Dave came in and moved the tray onto the floor. She’d eaten a little but it seemed as if most of it had come back up. At least she drank the water and tea…keeping her hydrated was important. He sat on the side of the bed; put the back of his hand on her forehead. She wasn’t hot or clammy so that was good. Penelope opened her eyes and smiled.

“Hi Uncle Dave.” Her voice was sleepy.

“Hey kitten. How do you feel?”

“Yucky, like the time I ate that hotdog at the park only worse.”

“Yikes.”

Dave remembered that; Penelope had a mild case of food poison. From that point on Jason banned anything that came from a cart except for soft pretzels. He was still sketchy about those but the kids put their feet down. They couldn’t give up everything and soft pretzels too.

“What did you eat today?”

“I didn’t even make it to lunchtime before I got sick. Last night we had baked fish and mashed potatoes. Nobody else got sick. I had Frosted Flakes for breakfast too.”

“Well, Erin and I will take good care of you today.” He stroked her blonde hair.

“Thanks Uncle Dave.” Penelope gave him a weak smile. She was really tired.

“I'm gonna let you go back to sleep but first I need you to tell me about Albert Eggstein.”

“He’s my baby, for school. Ms. Halbert gave us all an egg and we have to take care of them for two weeks and learn responsibilities and stuff. He was in my bookbag; Erin threw it in the backseat. I might get a bad grade now.” she was getting choked up just thinking about it.

“No, you won't, I promise. Erin and I are going to fix everything and we’ll send a note to Ms. Talbert. I'm sure you took great care of Albert, Penelope.”

“I was having fun with him.”

“I bet.” Dave smiled. He gave her a kiss. “Get some sleep, kitten. You'll stay here with us tonight and if you feel better in the morning, I’ll take you to school.”

“OK.” She closed her eyes again, putting her hands under her cheek as she quickly slipped back into sleep.

Dave got up and left the room, taking the tray with him. He’d come back in a little while for the bucket.

“Did you talk to Jason?” he asked as he went back into the kitchen.

Erin was dying eggs like it was Easter. It reminded Dave of his childhood on Long Island. He’d never seen her dye an egg before. He’d never seen her do anything like that so it was interesting. Like everything else she put her mind to, Erin would be the best damn egg dyer in the capital.

“He doesn’t get home from school until around 3:15. But Jennifer and Spencer know that Penelope is here with me so they’ll surely tell him. How is she feeling?”

“She was drowsy and weak. She told me she hadn't even had lunch yet so it couldn’t have been that. Her dinner last night and breakfast this morning sound relatively normal. It could just be a bug going around; schools are hotbeds for sickness. We just keep fluids in her, let her get some rest…she could be up and running tomorrow.”

“What if she isn’t?” Erin asked.

“I told her we’d keep her here until she got better.” Dave replied. “Was that a bad idea?”

Erin wanted to say yes. Dave was going to go to work tomorrow and leave her with a pukey nine year old. She didn’t think that was a good idea at all. Two things kept her from objecting. One, if she didn’t stay home with Penelope then Jason would have to. She didn’t want him missing anymore school.

He’d already been out when Emily had her emergency appendectomy and that was enough. Secondly, she’d killed Albert Eggstein. She owed Penelope. If that meant serving soup and cleaning up a little puke, there were worse ways to pay her back. Erin couldn’t think of them right now but she was sure there were.

“We’ll do what we need to.” she sighed. “Do you want to help me with these eggs?”

“Are you going to do the whole dozen?” Dave asked. He took off his sports jacket, threw it over a chair, and rolled up his shirtsleeves.

“I thought I would. I’ll decorate them all and then let Penelope choose one to replace Albert. Is that a good idea?”

“It’s a great idea baby. Let’s have some fun.”

“Fun?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Tell me you're not having fun.” Dave stood beside her, bumped her hip with his.

“OK, I'm not having fun.”

Dave laughed, giving her a kiss. He didn’t know if she had been having fun but that was about to change. This could be a real blast and he planned to show her how. She didn’t know she was with an egg decorating champion. He was born for this assignment.

***

“One more chapter.” Penelope asked, biting back a yawn.

“No,” Erin shook her head. “A certain sleepy little girl knows that it's bedtime.” She put the bookmark in _The Hobbit_ and put it on the nightstand.

Penelope was in their guestroom tonight, recovering from tummy troubles. She ate a little dinner, chicken noodle soup that Dave made from scratch. Then she had water and some Gatorade for her electrolytes. It stayed down and that made Erin happy. After that she watched TV and asked Erin to read a couple of chapters from _The Hobbit_ before bed; Jason had been reading it to them. Dave smiled when Erin agreed but now it was time for sleep.

“Where’s Amelia?” Penelope asked.

“I’ll put her right here on the nightstand where she's safe.” Erin replied. She’d folded one of Dave’s tee shirts and put the egg on it.

After dinner they did an egg show for Penelope so she could pick a new one to replace Albert Eggstein. She and Dave colored and decorated a dozen eggs with dye, sharpies and even little bows that Erin found in the top kitchen drawer from God knows when. Penelope loved the show and in the end picked a pastel pink egg with dark pink squares and a pleasant Sharpie smile. She named her Amelia Egghart.

Dave thought it was the cutest thing ever. Even Erin had to admit that it brought a smile to her face. She couldn’t believe how devastated she was when Penelope cried about the demise of Albert. These kids were really starting to get to her; she didn’t know what to do about it.

“Goodnight, Penelope.” Erin placed a gentle hand on her head. “Sweet dreams.”

She was almost out of the room when Penelope stopped her.

“Hug,” she held out her arms. “I never go to sleep without a hug.”

Erin nodded, coming to give her one. She’d forgotten about that. None of the other kids wanted her to touch them and that was fine with her. They all had their reasons, Erin was sure, and she had hers as well. But Penelope was different. She was different than anyone, adult or child, that Erin had ever met.

“Sleep tight.” Erin said. “If you don’t feel good, get scared or anything, come wake me or Uncle Dave. OK?”

“I will.” Penelope nodded. “Goodnight, Erin.”

Erin left the lamp on and only closed the door halfway. Then she walked down the hall to her own bedroom. Dave was in bed reading. He’d put on a fresh pair of sheets and his wife was glad. _Sportscenter_ was on the TV but she turned it off altogether. He didn’t object.

“Penelope is asleep.” She said as she undressed for bed. “I read to her and made a soft bed for Amelia Egghart.”

“She was pretty excited when she saw those eggs.” Dave said.

“I know.” Erin smiled. “I feel bad that we have to sacrifice the other 11. It was for the good of all parties involved.”

“They did their bid for king and country…they’ll be remembered fondly.”

Erin laughed. She climbed into bed beside him and took the book from his hands. Dave looked at her; knew the look in her eyes. He loved that look in her eyes.

“I'm thinking you want a little of my attention, Mrs. Rossi.”

“Wrong.” Erin straddled him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I want a lot of your attention.”

Dave moaned when she stroked him through his pajama pants. He couldn’t believe that she wasn’t more concerned about Penelope being down the hall. Not that he was going to complain, he too was upset they didn’t get their afternoon alone. He surely didn’t blame Penelope but that didn’t make it suck any less.

“Well why don’t you lie back and let me give you every bit of attention you deserve.”

Grinning like it was her birthday, Erin did just that. Dave reached to turn off the light just in case Penelope did wander in sometime during their intimate encounter. He usually loved to see every inch of his wife but it wasn’t as if darkness was going to stop him from finding each spot that satisfied her. They would both be quite happy when he was through. Despite a little insanity, David Rossi had a good day and his family had too.

***

  



End file.
